Friday, October 30, 2009

The page that is late, but worth it

Yes it is late this week, and for that I am sorry, but sometimes in life other things just take priority! Anyway onto the blog. Trent gives us his views on the racing at Flemington, a couple of ladies give us their views on sports fashions and there isn't much love for baseball.

Trent's Top Tips
Mr. 50% is back people! So last week I decided to return to a familiar stomping ground, Rugby League, to pull myself back, and it worked. However this week I have decided to head back to the track, I mean it is the Spring Carnival after all.

Flemington - Race 4 - Coolmore Stud Stakes - "Headway" Each Way
Flemington - Race 6 - Victoria Derby - "Viking Legend" Each Way
Flemington - Race 9 - Aami Insurance Stakes - "Fist of Fury" Each Way

All three of the above horses offer great value and have a proven track record.

Footballers fashion faux pas
White football shorts. Nylon. Coloured undies. Grass stains. Amateurs. Are you visualising this? We would like to know why a bunch of grown men think it’s ok to run around in little white shorts. Our nightmares began on a sunny day whilst taking in a game, when, to our horror, We were confronted with a player adjusting his animal print package, thinly covered by a pair of said shorts.

Although it is impossible, we’d like to pass on a few tips for looking your best in these horrideous white shorts:
Tip number one: Purchase yourself a pair of white briefs for game days.
Tip number two: Keep your shorts clean – try Napisan.
Tip number three: Never EVER think it’s ok, hot, sexy, cool or smokin’ to wear animal print underwear. Your teammates will not respect you and nor will the ladies.
Footballers Wives

Is it worth it?
With all this talk about how hot the woman are that professional athletes can pull, it got me wondering, is it really worth it in the end? Now bare with me, I know it mat sound strange but I have a couple of examples that can help me prove my point.

Lets start with Roger Federer, probably the greatest tennis player to ever play the game. Now according to Gullsy theory he could have any woman that he wanted. He is the best player in the world in his sport, he has money coming out his ringhole, he is living the high life, and his woman of choice? A lady he has been with from before he even won his first tournament. Now he could have ditched her once all the money and fame started, but he didn't, he has stuck with her, and while some of you seem to think that she isn't much chop there are obviously reasons as to why he has stayed with her.

Look at what this stability has done for his career, the bloke has won more majors than anyone else in history, that has to count for something. Now sure he could be living a life of sex drugs and rock & roll but will history remember him? Doubt it!

Then we move on to the golfing sensation that was Adam Scott. It wasn't that long ago when Scott was being touted as the man to knock Tiger Woods off the top of the world rankings. But alas he is now just a little bit shit. So where did it all go wrong? It is no coincidence that his form slump started around the same time that his relationship with tennis star Anna Ivanovic started. Part of me says "can you blame him, who wouldn't rather be in bed with her than on the golf course", but I think that I would honestly have golf at the top of my priorities over her.

In sport, if your lucky enough to play at the elite level, your career is a mere flash in the pan in terms of time. You have been given an opportunity to make your mark and I just feel that to waste it like some professional athletes do is a shame. If they don't want it, then step aside and give one of the millions who would kill for the opportunity a chance!
The Fiddler

No it is not
You have to love the Yanks, I mean they have that huge deluded belief that they are the centre of the universe. Take that spastic game of baseball for example, how is it that they feel they have the right to call the final series of a sport that barely anyone else plays a "World Series". The arrogance of it all. I mean the game is so boring it makes cricket look like an action blockbuster movie!

Well guess what Americans, you aren't the centre of the universe, nobody gives a flying f@#* about baseball and it is NOT the World Series!

What an offer
Did anyone else hear that report about the woman in the US that got done for offering sex for baseball world series tickets? Knowing how crap baseball is, if I had them I reckon I would have been interested, but I'd have to see a picture first....mmm on second thoughts I wouldn't, I take the deal. Baseball is that shit it wouldn't matter what she looked like!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The page that will be riding Cummings all the way

I think that I proved with my Cox Plate tips on Friday that I'm not going to be taking Trento's position as the resident tipster any time soon. Who would have thought that old Bart would rack up another win, well really the question is why I didn't just go with anything and everything he trains, like I will be doing in next weeks Melbourne Cup! Due to computer issues the pictures below are without their crown and dunce cap, I promise they will sent out to their respective winners as soon as the issues are sorted out!

King of the Week

Well it really couldn't be anyone else, and I think his record speaks for itself!

Trainer: Group One Winners (as of 26/10/09)
Bart Cummings 256
Lee Freedman 123
John Hawkes 96
Gai Waterhouse 93
Jack Denham 59

12 Melbourne Cups
1965, 1966, 1967, 1974, 1975, 1977, 1979, 1990, 1991, 1996, 1999, 2008
7 Caulfield Cups
1966, 1969, 1974, 1977, 1980, 1991, 2009
4 Cox Plates
1973, 1996, 1997, 2009
13 Australian Cups
1968, 1973, 1975, 1976, 1977, 1978, 1980, 1981, 1985, 1992, 1996, 1998, 2008

The list goes on, it is a rediculously impressive record!

Dick of the Week

All season undefeated hey? Only one team can ever have that record, the mighty Arsenal. Undefeated, please!

On Thursday I was sitting at my computer reading through all the Liverpool news (which is how I spend most work hours), getting myself all depressed and i thought I'd write in and express my views on the way that Liverpool's season is heading. I had pretty much finished the rant and sat back to read through it. With Man Utd coming up on the weekend I wasn't feeling very optimistic truth be told. News was that we would be missing both Gerrard and Torres had me on suicide watch, I didn't have a good feeling about the coming game, let alone the season.

Then, after a few deep breathes and my co-workers comforting me out of the corner where I was rocking like a baby in the fetal position I took the time to reflect on what I wrote.

You see the problem that we Pool fans suffer from is that we are very quick to jump to conclusions and easily over react. Such as the classic "This is our year" line that you all love to throw in our face when, as it has for the past 20 years comes back to bite us on the balls. So on Friday I thought that I would buck the trend and wait until after the weekend to pass my judgement on the season, so I deleted everything that I wrote. And boy am I glad that I did!

We are back baby! This is our year! Oh wait a minute.......

Hold the phone
Sure the win against United was good, sure it will give us some much needed momentum and sure it is always nice to get 1 up on those smug Manchester pricks but lets not go overboard. The Pool are still in real trouble. The sooner that we admit that the rest of the footballing world are right, that we are just a 2 man team, the better. If Torres didn't play on Sunday, we don't win, simple as that. With Gerrard out our midfield looks a shambles. We are playing players way out of their depths who would look out of place even in the A-League. If we manage to finish in the Top 4 it will be a minor miracle, one that would need for the teams above us have have a slump of biblical proportions, rather than us playing well. I just can't see us finishing higher than 6th, I really can't.

So yes, the win was great, but it doesn't change much in the long run.

So your going to go through the entire season undefeated are you Gold Coast? Like f@#* you are! hahahahaha

Well actually
Hey just to correct you gullsy on your last post that hot blonde girlfriend of Casey Stoner is actually his wife but yeah you're right he is doing extremely well for himself. Lucky bugger all that and he is only about 23.

I actually like you dude
Now Gullsy while the two of us have never met, and we both obviously love to tell a story, i think we actually have alot in common. Apart from the fact that you love to attack me, I actually like you, well at least your points of view anyway. I don't like you in that holding hands, we are life partners way.

Take your "little" rant on the woman that elite sportsmen can pull, I actually agree with most of the points you bring up. Now without trying to offend the thousands of women that read this fine blog, we all know that women love money, and while they may never admit it, they find it the most attractive thing about a man. Goodness knows it can be the only reason that Mrs Harmo is with me, it can't be my good looks or ability in the sack!

So men of the world don't despair, those beefcakes of the sporting world are not better than you, they just have way more money than you ever will.

Now the AFL players of the world I can understand to a degree why they get the hottest chicks, I mean look at them, these guys are cut! I mean you could grate cheese on their abs for christs sake. And of all the football codes they seem to have the most brains, Fevola excepted.

When you look at those NRL players though, they are the one's that make you go "seriously, what has he got that I don't?". It's the money, and thats it, I mean these guys are dumb as post, yet pull the hot birds. However have you ever tried to have a conversation with your average Thugby League player? Good luck getting more than grunts out of him, then if you notice the women that go after them a light will go off. These bitches are as dumb, if not dumber, than them! A perfect match really. So don't despair lads, you are not missing out on anything, other than mind blowing sex of course! But whats that over conversation?

Friday, October 23, 2009

The page that hasn't gone to the dogs

Well it looks like we have someone after Dazzler's title of the longest rant here on Yeahmatego. Gullsy, who is getting quite the taste for expressing his opinions, has sent in an absolute cracker. It is on the long side, but I would have to say it is probably the funniest thing that has been posted on this blog. He is still to produce the infamous picture of the European models though! Trento is under the pump a little bit this weekend with his tips, but assures me that last week was just a minor blip and he will be back in the winners circle sooner rather than later. For what it's worth I think that "Heart of Dreams" will win the Cox's Plate with "Vision and Power my roughie.

Trent's Top Tips
So last week wasn't my finest performance on the punt, I'm can be a man about it, I'll put my hands up. I'm also the first to get back on the proverbial horse and have another crack.

Some questions were raised during the week to my relationship to the 3 dogs that I tipped at Richmond on Friday night, now while I am not willing to reveal my exact relationship to the trainer of the said dogs I will let it be known that if that old prick doesn't load the dogs into the boxes better next time then I wont be doing him any favours around the house in the coming weeks! Anyway, onto the tips.

Tip 1 - I like the French with the 38 1/2 start to beat the English in the Rugby League 4 nations

Tip 2 - The Aussie will smash the Kiwis, forget the World Cup last year. Give the 17 1/2 start to those sheep shaggers and get in the queue to collect my friends!

You don't always get what you deserve
I was watching the Jets v Victory game last weekend, not because I support either team, more because I am just a fan of Football itself and it was a game that brought up beautiful thing about sport in general. The best team on the day does not always win!

The Jets are in my opinion playing the best football in the A-League at the moment, and I'm a Sydney fan. However if you look at the table, what good it is doing them? They are sitting near last without a win in their last 4 games or so. It is one of those wonderful things about sport that a team can dominate their opponents for large portions of a game but still be beaten. It is this little quirk that gives the fans of the lesser teams a little ray of hope when coming up against the "big boys" that maybe, just maybe they can sneak a win. It is why we love sport so much, why we keep coming back even when our team is shit!

I mean look at that FA Cup Final a few years ago, Man Utd v Arsenal. United dominated for 90 minutes of normal play, then 30 minutes of extra time, doing everything but scoring. The game goes to penalties, Arsenal win. Did they deserve to win, no way, but they did. It is in these moments that it can be painful to be a fan, but think how the Arsenal fans felt, they couldn't give a f@#* who were the better team, they won the trophy!

It may hurt to be beaten when your the better team, but you know what, You'll be back next week, cheering on your team, just in case they nick that 93rd minute winner!
The Fiddler

A ladies point of view
Apparently Harmo is a real hard F@#*er. Whatever. A man who proudly says bitches go to the bar, is and always will be - a wanker. Because I doubt any so called women, would touch that with a 10 foot pole! So keep dreaming mate, and control your language.
I'm on team Gullsy!

Sports stars or porn stars?
Casey Stoner – what a champ! He wins the Phillip Island MotoGP and then celebrates by pashing his hot blonde girlfriend. Seeing shit like that makes me wish I rode my BMX bike faster when Mum sent me to the shops.

Think about it…with Stoner’s choice of hot shagging partners, it’s no wonder the poor bastard took time off with chronic fatigue syndrome. And then his sponsor - Marlboro – gets all jealous and demands he apologise for his absence. Marlboro should be thanking this young fella. Do they know how many post-coital cigarettes this guy has been responsible for? He’s probably making Marlboro more money riding hot chicks, than he does riding a f#*kin’ motorbike.

Which got me thinking…what sportsmen get the hottest chicks? You know what I mean…f*#k the Gatorade training lab that’s running tests for dehydration, let’s find out what sport will get us the hottest chick, and more importantly, why!

Firstly, we’ll take a closer look at motorsports. I hate motorsports, but I love the sort of behaviour it encourages? I went to the Gold Coast Indy and saw more chicks pulling their tits out than F1 drivers pulling into pit lane. But you know what? These chicks aren’t what you’d call ‘quality’. You wouldn’t really take one of these girls home to meet your parents unless your Mum was the President of the Banditos. Imagine the introduction… “Hi Mum, Dad…this is Sharon. Sharon this is…Oh, for f*#k’s sake Sharon…put ‘em away!”

If you want to step up the quality a little, you’ve got to turn to two wheels – MotorX. These chicks are the bikini pin-up babes that give Zoo Weekly’s editors 24-hour hard-ons! And these chicks love the bad boys. If you’ve got tatts, you get the tits! Now, I’m all up for f*#king a Zoo Weekly cover girl – especially the ones who list their favourite past-time as ‘going down on my girlfriends’. But I’ll tell you one thing readers…I’m not getting a full-sleeve tattoo of a pot-smoking green dragon just to do it. Who am I kidding? I don’t even know how to ride a motorbike. European-styled Vespers just don’t cut it when you’re up against Aussie madman, Robbie Maddison, jumping Europe’s biggest icons!

Instead, let’s look at sports that us Aussies are supposed to be good at. Like cricket. I’ve never seen Boonie’s wife or Merv’s best root – but I’m not holding out much hope. The uglier you are, and more beer you drink, the better you seem to be at playing cricket. Unlike the bunch of pretty boy, soft cocks we’ve got in the squad today. What does Lara Bingle see in the bleached hair, diamond earrings, and red Ferraris? The poor girl has to sit through five days of shithouse cricket before the Pup will even look at her puppies! Lara, Lara, Lara – why, oh why do you want the attention of a guy who has a smoother box than yours?

Speaking of fascinating conundrums, I didn’t think the NBL would rear its f*#king ugly head again! Seriously, I reckon the chicks who chase NBL dudes just aren’t pretty enough to date a proper sports star. And why would you date a basketballer…it can’t be for the money! I earn twice as much as your average NBL dude – but that aint enough to get me no cheerleader girlfriend! But then again…I don’t wear a size 17 shoe!

Now for those A-League dudes. They’re not really up there with the European football players are they? Let’s just put them in some sort of sporting perspective. It’s like if I was to walk into a bar with a Yeahmatego reader. For argument’s sake, lets say it was Harmo. Now, I’m a Real Madrid striker, and Harmo’s the right-back for NQ Fury. The result…I get the hot chick, the hot bar girl and the hot podium dancer; Harmo gets knocked back by their fat friends. Point proven.

So let me finish with what I believe is the pinnacle of sports magnetism in Australia – the AFL. These blokes just have to smell like they’ve been in the same locker-room as Ablett and they’ll be shagging their choice of hot chicks. In fact, women seem to want these guys so bad that they’ll even shag their husband’s teammate in the toilets! The thing is, these girls all want to be the ‘Cindarellas’ at the Brownlow Ball. It’s a fairytale for them…until, of course, the ugly stepsister Fevolva starts humping their leg in the foyer of the Crown Casino.

Well…I was trying to sneak out of this article without having to mention it, but yes, here I go. The NRL. Seriously, why do chicks even bother with these Neanderthals? If the only thing these girls want is a gang-bang and some media attention – I know a bunch of guys who read Yeahmatego and own a digital camera!

I could go on and on, but it’s time this sports analysis came to some sort of intelligent conclusion. So I’ll finish with a question to all the Dads who want their sons to be sports stars…

Do you give your son a tennis racquet, hope he wins millions – and then hope twice as hard he doesn’t end up with wife as ugly as Federer’s? Or do you throw him on a motorbike, divorce your wife and then spend your mid-life crisis picking up his scraps?
Hmmmm…sometimes when we delve into the important sporting issues, we just end up with more questions than answers. Until next time…

Monday, October 19, 2009

The page that thinks life's a beach...ball

If Darren Bent's goal against Liverpool on the weekend didn't have you in a fit of laughter you clearly do not have a sense of humour! That or you are a Liverpool fan, and I truly feel sorry for you whichever one it is. Trento went from hero to zero this weekend with a massive zero result, and some of you were clearly not happy about it! It also seems more than one of you have a thing for Megan Fox, but I am sorry, you'll just have to get in line!

King of the Week

The crown this week does not go to a sportsman, it doesn't even go to a person. This week sees a huge amount of nominations for the beachball that scored the winner against Liverpool. Sure Bent hit the shot, but the way the beachball beat the offside trap and gently flicks it past Reina in goals is super impressive. What makes the incident even funnier is that the ball is a Liverpool ball and was thrown onto the pitch by a Liverpool supporter. You can't find a picture of the kid anywhere, probably because he is with god now.

News has now filtered through that all Man Utd fans will be checked for beachballs before entering the ground this weekend for their match against Liverpool. Bloody hilarious! Can't wait to hear the abuse they will be throwing Pepe Renia's way!

Dick of the Week

Mike Jones, the referee who incorrectly awarded Darren Bent's goal for Sunderland against Liverpool on Saturday, will not officiate in the Premier League this weekend. He will probably not be seen in the Premier League again this season, but if he is you can just imagine the abuse that the fans will be giving him, they don't forget stuff like this very easily in England!

Lucky miss
For work related reasons I was unable to get onto Yeahmatego until Saturday so I was hoping that Trento was going to be able to produce again for me that afternoon. I was a bit annoyed that his tips were for Friday night, until I looked up the results. Seems like this was 1 situation that I should be thankful it was a busy Friday. Maybe this week he can line my pockets again, that is if he still has a job!

Under pressure now
After hearing the good luck story from last week I was sucked into following "Trent's Top Tips" this week, and rn't I glad that I did! Friday night smashed me, I don't normally go near the dogs, I find them to unpredictable but I thought I'd give them a go cos this Trento seems to know what he is on about, well at least I thought he did!

Just a question, does he own the three dogs that he tipped? Their names seemed to run on a common theme so I am a bit sus. And if he does own them you'd think that he would know if they were any good, I mean 1 of them was lucky to finish!

I'll be back next week, cos I believe in 2nd chances, but after that, I'll be round to his house, and it wont be a social call!

They still play that?
I will give you one thing Gullsy, you do know how to entertain and it seems apparent that you are either in a profession that requires you to be creative or you are one of those guys that just loves telling a story, either way keep it up.

Onto your rant last week about the NBL, shit dude I didn't realise that basketball still existed in this country, seriously. If I am honest I don't really care for the game, I think that any sport where it is that easy to score points is a bit of a waste of time, I mean honestly where is the skill?

So they kicked off this season without the Kings? How can you have a national competition without a team from Sydney? Everyone in the world knows that Sydney is the centre of all that is good in Australia. I mean ask any American what the capital of Australia is and they will respond "Sydney". And we all know how intelligent those yanks are, I mean you have to be smart to have elected George W, not just once but twice! But I digress...

The only good thing that I can see in basketball is that it seems the only sport left in the world where sledging is not only legal, but encouraged! Have you ever been to a game? Every time that the opposition has the ball, loud music is played over the speakers to make it harder for them to communicate, everytime they have a free throw the fans behind the net go ballistic, mascots take the piss out of opposition players, I mean it is the way sport should be!

Cricket has got it all wrong, they shouldn't be trying to stamp sledging out, they should be encouraging it!
Dan the Man

Care factor of zero
Just wondering if I am the only one out there that has absolutely no interest in the tours of both out League and Union teams?

The League season for me has finished, it finished with the Grand Final. I am happy to leave it there until next year, I am all Rugby Leagued out, I've had my fill. I don't need anymore and the funny thing I think deep down the players feel the same way. There is all this talk about retribution for losing the World Cup last year, thats bullshit. This tournament means nothing, and I couldn't give a f@#* if we lose every game, I really couldn't.

As for the Union, please! The Wallabies at the moment would have to be one of the worst Wallabies teams in years, they are a laughing stock not just here, but all around the world. Just stay at home and save yourselves and us the embarrassment!

Friday, October 16, 2009

The page that will be on them this time!

It's that classic story, man gives out a great long shot tip, mate puts money on said horse, and it wins. Mate picks up big win, tipper doesn't even get on himself. Well lessons are there to be learned, but I doubt poor old Trento will ever learn! Gullsy is back for the 2nd time this week to entertain us, the models must have gone home! This pre weekend edition also heralds the arrival of our first true overseas contributor, he took the bait people!

Trent's Top Tips
Was it ever really in doubt? I had a minor hiccup the week before last, giving both winners but getting the margin wrong. There were calls for my head, the vultures were circling above me, looking for any sign of weakness, then.......BANG! Conquering Queen does the business and romps home at $21! Well done to Brett, glad you had a nice win, as for me....I wasn't even on it! How good am I, but let it be know I have a habit of stopping a fright train, so if I'm on it, add another 50kgs!
Anyway onto this weeks specials!

Tip 1 - Tonight at Richmond there are 3 extra special dogs running that I feel can't be over looked as an eachway bet.
Race 2 - No.3 Raw Character
Race 7 - No.2 Xena's Character
Race 9 - No.6 Xena's Shadow
Trust me!

Tip 2 - Caulfield tomorrow Race 2 - No.4 Weasley. In honor of my bestest buddy in the whole world!

Getting too far ahead?
England? pfft the way we played in the last 2 games we would seriously struggle to beat the Cook Islands the way we have been playing. So before we get too carried away and start thinking we can beat anyone put in front of us, lets sort out our own game first. If you think that the team is in good shape you clearly have no idea about football. The crap we have been producing might snatch a draw against an understrength European team, but the Asians eat that negative defensive shit up! Thats the thing about world football, every continent seems to have their own unique style, and its the team that can best adapt to playing against those different style that will win this World Cup, or you can just cheat like the f@#*ing Italians!

From across the globe
Every now and then you come across something a little bit special on this wonderful internet thing, something that excites you, then you leave that porn site after a couple of minutes and continue on your journey looking at your other love, sports. Somehow this week I found myself on this "yeahmatego" site and I must say i'm a wee bit impressed. Coming from the Motherland, the Home of the Ashes if you will, I tend to get a wee bit bored with the rubbish that you get dished up over here so i'm always interested in whats happening in other countries.

So I began to read all the posts with some interest, there seems to be some characters on here with interesting points of view. My eyes lit up though when I came across the posts in regards to the coming World Cup. Do you Aussies really want to draw the might of England? Really? I mean I have to admit to not seeing much of your national team in recent months but come on, you honestly think the Three Lions will be easy beats?

As for the Ashes, don't worry about them, we are keeping them safe!

You want England? I want you convicts, teach you a footballing lesson!
Dave, London

Holman didn't play, and we won......coincidence?

NBL is da shit!
I’ve had something on my mind. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of sleepless nights contemplating whether it’s the right time to bring this up with you. You know that stage in a relationship…when you’re wondering if it’s too early to tell your girlfriend you’ve been fantasising about a threesome with her and her mum?


Well…fortunately, it’s not about that! What I really wanted to tell you guys (and any of you girls with hot mums) is this…I think I have feelings for the NBL. Yep, there you go, I’ve said it!

Yeah, yeah, I hear what you’re saying…basketball is ‘Yank-Wank’ at its best (or worst). And our NBL doesn’t have the big black superstars like Shaq, Jordan and Magic. Instead, one of our all-time greats is a grey-haired stickman called Gaze. And he probably only ever made the team ‘cause his Dad was the coach.

But give me a chance. Let’s just take a look at what the NBL has to offer…

#1 Cheerleaders!
F*#k yeah! The NBL is one of the only sports in Australia where the male spectators eagerly await a time-out. It’s like being at a strip club with 5,000 mates. Well, actually, it’s like being at a strip club when you’ve run out of money and the girls won’t get their kit off. I guess if cheerleaders aren’t taking it off, it makes them pretty shit!

#2 Non-Stop Scoring!
Apart from 20Twenty cricket, I don’t know of any sport where the scoreboard ticks over so fast. The only thing that ticks over more often in basketball is the f*#kin’ foul count. It’s worse than the EPL the way these fouls are given out. Now, that’s pretty shit as well.

#3 Value-for-Money!
Football gets about 3-minutes injury time per half. AFL…at least five minutes a quarter. But with basketball, you get four 12-minute quarters that last in excess of two-hours. Come to think of it, in no other sport can the final 3-seconds of a game last so f*#king long. Seriously dudes, the game is over! Stop the f*#kin’ fouling and let me get to the strippers! When you look at it like that, ‘value-for-money’ can make a game shit.

#4 Reforming Gang Members!
When it comes to recruiting real basketball talent, the Bronx seems to be America’s version of the AIS! Why do you think you get ghetto tunes playing throughout the game? And when you wear your ‘colours’ to the basketball, you had better be packing heat dude! C’mon, seriously, I’d love to be in a gang as much as any other inadequate male, but when you’re a white dude all that carry-on can be a bit shit.

Well…I think I’ll stop there.

The NBL isn’t really that f#*kin’ good is it? I don’t even know why I liked the game to begin with! Probably those corporate boxes I always get invited to! I’m actually feeling a little embarrassed that I shared this with you on such a respected sporting site like Yeahmatego. Come to think of it – Yeahmatego probably wasn’t the right forum to bring up the ‘mother-daughter’ fantasy either…

Well, as therapeutic as all that was, it looks like we’ really are just stuck with one long summer of f*#kin’ crap cricket! What else is there to possibly do?

Hang on…

“Hey babe, it’s Gullsy here. Wanna go out for a drink? And while you’re at it, bring your Mum too…!”

Monday, October 12, 2009

The page that is always in their seat on time

Well wasn't that the biggest disappointment since Liverpool's last title challenge! The Aussie on Saturday night were truly awful. I forked over a massive $80 to watch a friendly and while I wasn't expecting the same kind of excitement that the World Cup qualifier produced, I did expect them to show something, anything. They left alot to be desired. Even worse than that was the fact that I decided to ignore Trento's hot tip for Saturday and low and behold it got up on the line, beating my horse by a nose and paying a very healthy $21, I just hope someone was on it!

King of the Week

Anyone who competes in Iron Man Triathlons has my full respect, anyone who can win one shows a level of fitness that is beyond words, anyone who can win the toughest Iron Man in the world two years running is a freak! Craig Alexander you deserve more than the crown, but it is all I can offer. This weeks award would have gone to Gullsy had he been able to supply a picture of him with his 2 European models, but he didn't!

Dick of the Week

Have another beer Frank, you idiot. That's two times in the past three years that this halfwit has been caught drink driving, and hopefully it costs him his job. I've hated this bloke every since he "coached" the national team, then to find out that he was at home drinking bottles of wine instead of watching his son knock in the winning goal in his Grand Final made me find a new level of hate. What a wanker!

Yes, my life really is one long winning streak
This week I just want to set a few things straight. It's now been a month or so since I first arrived on the Yeahmatego sporting scene. Since then, you’ve probably all started to realise that I’m a bit of ladies man. But hey, that's OK, I'm comfortable with the title.

Unfortunately, it seems I do have my doubters.

Firstly, in regard's to Craig's request for 'proof'! I'm guessing you're the sort of guy that loves taking photos of hot chicks that are way out of your league...the sort of guy that has his photo taken at Bathurst standing with the Jim Beam promo girls. You’d then keep copies in your wallet and tell your mates how you could’ve f#*ked the blonde if you weren’t so pissed. Nothing wrong with that mate – I used to do the same thing when I was 14. But hey, when you're a seasoned campaigner like myself, you don't need photos. That's how these girls get busted cheating on their boyfriends!

And as for you young Harmo, one of the reasons I go to the football is so that I can get a break from shagging. Watching the game at home on Foxtel is somewhat ruined a bit when you've got two hot European girls begging you for a threesome. I for one don't want to be red-carded for diving in the box...

I hope that clears things up a little. And, as this is a sports blog and not a bitching forum, I'd just like to wrap it up with my own value bet of the week...I’ve got odds of $2.80 that Harmo and Craig are now living their lives vicariously through me!

I reckon Trento’s eyes just lit up when he saw easy money like that!

Is it that hard?
Sure the game sucked on Saturday night, sure we didn't win, or even look like winning and sure it was even raining on top of that. but that's not what my problem is today, nope, my problem lies with those "sports fans" that for reasons beyond understanding arrive at their seats 20 minutes after the start of the game! F@#* this shits me!

Now if the game was on a Friday night I can semi understand arriving late, we all have to work. But I can find absolutely no reason why you can be on time for a Saturday night kickoff, seriously! I mean you are paying good money to watch this event and you are missing half the game.

One set of "fans" arrived 20 minutes late, pissed everyone off around them due to their inability to squeeze their fat arses between the seats and then decided that they had seen enough and left with 10 minutes to go. F@#* me if you are leaving early to beat the traffic, why the f@#* can't you leave home early to beat the traffic you f@#*in retard! Next time I will kick you in the back of the head.

That is all

To the point
Just 2 quick points from me about the Socceroos game

1 - The Mexican wave is the dumbest thing that can possibly happen at a sporting event. To the spastics that tried to start it, please never ever do it again, just watch the game!

2 - Holman is absolute toilet. He is the worst player to ever play for this fine country. Please recall John Kosmina before you ever let this man wear the green and gold ever again.

Nice result
I was a bit bored on Saturday so I decided to throw a bit of money at the two horses that Trento tipped on Friday. I put 10 eachway on both but didn't see the race. When I scanned the tickets the next day I was just hoping to get my money back, then the lady started to count out the 50's! The 1st prick got up and I got a tidy $250 result, cheers Trento, I'm sure you picked up a bit urself and I'll be sure to keep an eye out for your tips next week!

I want them two
Benny hit the nail on the head in the last post, all I want for Christmas this year is for us to be drawn in the same group as those Pommy pricks for next years World Cup. I can just see their media now, ripping them apart for being knocked out in the group stages by those lowly Aussie's. They are starting to build them up over there at the moment, suggesting that this could be their World Cup, that they have the players to go all the way.....they don't. Any team that has Fat Frank Lampard in their team will never win the World Cup!

Friday, October 9, 2009

The page that wants to see the proof

This weekend sees the boys in gold take on the boys in orange and I for one will be there and I am really looking forward to the game. Trento needs a big week this week if he is to maintain the title of YEAHMATEGO'S resident tipster, The Dazzler may have his sights set on that seat! Gullsy continues to cause a stir, just how he likes it, but there has been a call for him to prove his story!

Trent's Top Tips
So last week sees the winning percentage take a bit of a hit. I did manage to pick both the Melbourne Storm teams winning their games and the senior boys did have the Eels by 13+ at one stage but alas they couldn't hold on. Maybe I should have got some advice of The Dazzler, but I doubt he has ever put more than a 50c bet on in his life and that was probably on Melbourne Cup day. I bet he isn't a seasoned campaigner like myself, a man who has been punting since I was 7 years old, a veteran of the game. Stick with me kids, through the good and the bad.

Tip 1 - Sydney races tomorrow Race 5, Number 8 "Conquering Queen" EW bet

Tip 2 - Sydney races tomorrow Race 6, Number 2 "Bernicia" EW bet

Ill be back this week people, never fear!

Prove it
This Gullsy bloke must be living the greatest life you could possibly hope for, or so he claims anyway! In his last rant he hits us with the outlandish claim of heading to the football with 2 European models and he didn't even have to pay for the privilege. Far be it for me to question another mans creditability but I feel that these kind of stories must come with some form of evidence. Now don't get me wrong, I love a good over the top story where the fish gets bigger and bigger every time the bloke tells it, but Gullsy I feel that in this situation you will need to prove your claim. At the very least you could have supplied a couple of photos of some random woman from an Internet dating site and claimed that these were the girls. Better yet how bout a real photo of you with these 2 said females for the rest of us to appreciate. Feel free to pixelate your own face though, we don't need to see it.

Throw us dogs a bone good man!

Toughen up
Gullsy mate lets be honest if you really were a tough f@#*er you wouldn't be writing in with a story about how you were pissed off due to standing in line for a "whole 15 mins!", no if you were a real tough f@#*er you would have sent the bitches you took with you to the bar to get the drinks for you, not the other way around! Tough men don't go to the bar, bitches go to the bar!

Tough f@#*ers don't complain about sunburn either, they take their shirt off, get as red as possible and then ask their mates to slap them as hard as possible, showing that they laugh in the face of pain!

And another thing, why did you go to the football anyway, why didn't you stay home and shag the too birds at the same time for f@#* sake? A real man would have!

Isn't it obvious?
I think I have an answer for Steveo from the last post who raised a very good point about Slater winning the Best on Ground award from the Grand Final. I completely agree with him, there is no way that Slater should have won the award, no chance he was the best player on the day. You see though, the problem is that this award is voted for by ex-players of the game and we all know how intelligent League players are! You are asking men who have taken thousands of knocks to the head to count past 1? When asked towards the end of the game who they pick, they must go with the only number that they know, number 1, the fullbacks number. That has to be the answer.
The Menace

Livin' on a prayer
With the Premier League taking a break this week my attention has been caught by the up coming Internationals, mainly involving us Aussies. Unfortunately I can't get to Sydney for the game and I am very jealous of any of you that get the chance, enjoy the game. This is a fantastic opportunity not only for the fan, but the team to see where we are in regards to our preparations for the World Cup. I reckon we will roll them.

Speaking of the World Cup, I am really looking forward to the draw and finding out who we get in our group. I really, really, really really want England. I want them sooooooooo bad, almost as much as I want a threesome with Jennifer Hawkins and Samantha Fox! I am beginning nightly prays to the Football Gods that our little token is closely followed by theirs. I am pretty sure that I am not alone on this wish either, I mean what Aussie doesn't like smashing the Poms?

Just think, they have taken our ashes, and that f@#*in hurt so much. Can you imagine how much it would hurt them if we knocked them out of the World Cup in the group stages? I can almost taste the sweet sweet revenge!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The page missing a crap Storm headline

So a Storm came through Sydney hey? You just have to love those crappy lines that get pulled out by the papers when they are trying to one up their rivals in terms of headlines. Gullsy is in again today to entertain us with his abstract outlook on the sporting world, he is starting to make a habit of it, and the punters love it. The Dazzler has pumped out a essay on the Grand Final and wants everyone to know that he predicted the Storm by 7. Wonder if he put any money on it? How bout the Arse just quietly? Six goals and they never got out of 3rd gear, it could be our year........oh wait that is someone else's line!

King of the Week

Well it sort of had to be the Storm. Four Grand Finals, two wins, not a bad return, and you would be a brave man to bet against them not adding to that tally. Sorry about the pic, but personally I would rather look at the cheer girls than the players!

Dick of the Week

Anyone that is stupid enough to stick their finger up at the opposition crowd in this day and age of cameras everywhere is a worthy winner of this award. Added to the fact that Tiatto is one of the biggest twats to every play the game, this guy has even played for Australia! Oh the shame!

He will do
Please don't get me wrong, Billy Slater is a great player, and even though I don't support the Storm I quite enjoy watching him in full flight. This point aside, how the f@#* did he win the best on ground award on Sunday? Seriously, he was good, but so far from the best player it was embarrassing, I mean you could even tell from the interviews with him he thought it was a joke.

Now they were never going to give it to an Eels player, they just don't seem to do it, they take the easy option, but Slater? really? Do the guys that vote on this thing just get towards the end of the game and go "shit, I havnt really been paying attention, ummmmm, whos a big name? Slater? yeah he will do". I know Inglis bashes women, but he wasn't half bad, and Cronk was decent as well, if only they had the balls to give it to Moi Moi!

They are right you know
At the start of every season all you can hear from Liverpool fans is "This is our year". Well I have to agree with them this year, I this might actually be "their year". I think its going to be their year to drop out of the Top 4!
Darren....not Dazzler

Real Fan Research
Harmo. I’m a little taken aback that you would doubt me as a tough f#*ker! I was seriously going to poke your eyes out with my nail file next time you said something like that. But then I took a deep breath and realised that maybe I am missing something - maybe I should experience sport at its toughest. You know, sitting amongst ‘real fans’ as you put it.

So, in the name of Yeahmatego Research, I grabbed three general admission tickets to the weekend’s Glory-Fury clash here in Perth. I still got ‘em for free, but hey, it’s a start! Here I was – about to push my manicured body to the limits – like those athletes in the Gatorade training lab. And now, for the first-time ever, you’re about to read the official research results right here on Yeahmatego!

Firstly, I took along a visiting friend from Germany – she models for Calvin Klein and is a big fan of the Bundesleague (I don’t know what I find more attractive). She brought along her blonde Polish girlfriend for company…already, this ‘sitting-with-the-real-fans’ thing is looking good.

But then it all goes pear-shaped.

I lined up for 15-minutes to get a f#*king beer. And when I do get it, it’s in a plastic f#*king cup! I then have to line up for another f#*king 15-minutes ‘cause I forgot to get Miss Calvin Klein her Diet-f#*king-Coke. While I was lining up, I missed the Fury red card that all the ‘real fans’ were talking about.

By the time I get back to my seat, it’s about 3.30pm. For those of you that haven’t sat with the ‘real fans’ in the Eastern Grandstand of ME Stadium, that’s about the same time the sun begins to blast UV1000-strength rays directly into your retina. At this stage, the only thing I can focus on is the hint of black lacy bra from Miss Calvin Klein as she undoes her top button – exposing more of her ample breasts to the f#*king hot WA sun!

But back to my research…Yeah, OK, I was sitting directly opposite the box when Glory smashed home that penalty. That was pretty cool – high-fiving the fat Pom sitting in front of me. Another thing that was really, really cool, was running into the ex-girlfriend at halftime – didn't I show her who came out of our shithouse relationship the better!

Seriously, Harmo, I’m glad you made me experience ‘toughness’. I feel real different now. When I woke up this morning I stood in front of my full-length mirror and took a real good look at myself. And you wouldn’t believe it…f#*king racoon eyes from wearing sunglasses!

Now someone pass me the moisturiser...I think I'm going to peel.

Hope you enjoyed the footy, because the cricket will be crap!
Well, it’s over for another year. Congratulations to the Melbourne Storm for capturing their second title in three years. Basically their grand final experience was the difference between the two sides - along with having Cam Smith and Ryan Hoffman on the field. Given that the average age of the side is only 25, I think they will be thereabouts again for the next couple of years.

As for Parramatta, they simply game their opponents too much start, albeit they made the game interesting with ten minutes left. On the whole their defence was quite good, but it was undermined by their kicking game and fifth tackle options. Fuifui Moimoi was simply outstanding, and was very unlucky not to be given the Clive Churchill medal despite being in a losing side.

But despite their disappointment, Parramatta has a lot to be proud of. They have captured the imagination of the Rugby League public over the last three months and in doing so have pushed the off-field incidents off the front and back pages of the newspapers and into oblivion – where they belong.

So now the changing of the seasons has arrived – from footy to cricket! So who will be arriving to our shores this summer? Well it’s not South Africa or NZ – they were here last summer. England? No, they will be here next year. India? No. Pity – the cricket was very interesting last time they were here.

Sorry to disappoint you, but arriving here next month will be the West Indies and Pakistan – for three Tests each, starting in late November.

Even better, because the top-line Windies cricketers are in a pay dispute with the West Indies Cricket Board, there is a better than average chance that a ‘second-string’ side will be touring Australia instead!

Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think the Brisbane, Adelaide and Perth sports-loving public will be rushing through the turnstiles to watch a Test-Match that could have the time-span of a One-Day international, and I don’t think living rooms across Australia will be captivated by the so-called ‘contests’ either. If the top-line Windies cricketers fail to show up in Australia, then give it a miss. Wait for Boxing Day at the MCG, where hopefully Pakistan will hopefully put up a contest against Australia.


Perhaps the only highlight of the summer will be the farewell tour for the one and only, Richie Benaud, as this will be the final summer he will be gracing us with his presence in front of the Channel Nine cameras.

The Dazzler

PS. I totally agree with Skins regarding witnessing the greatest sporting event live. I was also at that Socceroos World Cup qualifier, at the same end where the shootout was held. So I know exactly what he is talking about. A million times better than witnessing Manly's 2008 Grand Final win.

PPS. I am a genius! Check out my previous blog to view who I thought was going to win the Grand Final and by how much...

Friday, October 2, 2009

The page that has shed a tear or two in it's time

So it is Grand Final weekend for the NRL and we can only hope that they are able to produce a game half as exciting as the AFL did last weekend. Now that the other "football" codes are wrapping up we might be able to fully focus on the world game for the next few months, well it's either that or watch the cricket.....hahahaha kidding. Have a look at the newest poll which comes about after Gullsy's post on Monday.

Trents Top Tips
Well I wasn't able to maintain the 100% record from last week but I was able to get a couple right so all is not lost. So it is the Grand Final of the NRL this week and unless you want to start punting on that wog ball stuff that's where your money should be going.

Tip 1 - Melbourne to win the Grand Final by 13+. No doubt about this one, the Storm are going to be way to strong here. To add a bit of value look at throwing them in with the under 20's Storm team as a multi.

Tip 2 - Richmond Dogs Tonight, Race 7, Number 2 - Xena's Character
Now I know this one comes a little bit from left field but I have a very good feeling about this. I know the trainer and the conditioner of this dog and they are some of the best in the business and top blokes on top of that! The odds are going to be quite healthy so an eachway bet is advisable, but don't be surprised if she comes storming home to victory.

Toughen up mate
Now I need to know something first up, is there 2 people that go by the name of Gullsy that write into this blog? If there is then we don't have a problem, however if the last post by Gullsy was written by the same bloke that wrote in about the corporate box style living, then I have a bone to pick with him.

I quite enjoyed his piece on crying in sport, the guy has talent in telling a story, it was entertaining. I even agree with his points of view, so where does my problem with him lie you ask? Well he claims towards the end of his post that he has never shed a tear due to sport, then makes the statement "maybe I’m just a real tough f#*cker!". If this is the same Gullsy you have got to be kidding yourself mate.

There is no way that a bloke who doesn't even sit with the real fans can classify himself as a "real tough f@#*er", no way in hell. I bet you do cry at sporting events you little girl, I bet you cry when your mini quiche are too hot for your delicate mouth, I bet you cry when they don't have your favourite imported beer (who am I kidding, I reckon you drink wine, not beer), I bet you cry when the seats hurt your poor little "toosh".

Mate before you go around claiming to be a tough f@#*er, take a good hard look at yourself, stop getting manicures, stop spending more time in front of a mirror than a chick and stop kissing your boyfriend, maybe then we can talk, one tough f@#*er to another.

Don't cry for me
Let me put one thing out there straight away, I actually think there is room for crying in sport, given the right circumstances of course. Now poor old Roger has taken this crying thing to the extreme, on that point I must agree with Gullsy, but at the same time it is nice to see that he doesn't take winning for granted, which would be his right mind you.

As for the Saints and last weekend, I put that done to shock really, they had just busted their arses for however many months, the premiership was theirs, then it wasn't. Maybe they should tried to keep it to the change room though.

For myself, I'd just like to take you back to THAT night in November 2005. The greatest sporting night I reckon I will ever see live. With the last World Cup spot up for grabs, the game headed into penalties and I don't think I have ever been so nervous in my life. The tension in the air was so extreme a guy 2 rows back from us snapped his seat in half, he just couldn't bare to watch.

In these circumstances the human emotions go through such a roller coaster that an outburst of emotions was inevitable. Now we all know how it finished, Aloisi hits the back of the net, cue absolute pandemonium. I mean I am getting shivers down my spine just thinking about it, just f@#*in awesome. I was hugging anyone and everyone within arms reach, I think I kissed my mother on the cheek for the first time in years, and then more hugs for everyone. Then they hit me....tears. Now call me soft if you wish, but I don't care. That night, in that stadium, under those circumstances, with that result, it became too much. I remember looking across at my brother, tear in my eye and I said "We are going to the World Cup, we are going".

Now that my friends, was worth crying for!

A little bit of Charity
I would just like to give a big congratulations to the editors of this blog for allowing equal opportunity to people of all mental abilities. I think it is a credit to you that you would post something obviously written by one of our less fortunate friends in "Newal". Please don't get me wrong, I am no saint when it comes to spelling and punctuation, but bloody hell!

And a reason why
Dear facilitator of Yeahmatego,
I assume you’ve received some mail this week regarding the poor spelling and punctuation of contributor Newal, so I offer this explanation.

I have known Newal for a long time and while it may seem as though someone has rearranged the letters on his keyboard, I can assure your readers it is simply due to the fact that he is retarded. While he may not admit his learning difficulty like Senator Steve Fielding, there’s no point criticising, trying to change him or editing his rants before posting (who has the time). I merely implore your readers to enjoy his contributions at face value and if a sentence doesn’t make any sense, simply put it down as one of life’s mysteries. Either that or cut and paste it in word and run a spell check.

A rebuttal
Dear Dan the Man,
Thanks for your reply to my post but you are sorely mistaken.... You see, I live in Paddington and my comment about Brendan Gan was a rhetorical tort stating that my current low-admiration for Brendan Gan would be superior to what I would feel for a 36 year old washed up has been such as Figo.

And in all honesty good luck to the 2nd Sydney team - but my view is that 2 teams in Sydney will fail worse than the choking Dogs in 09.

You see Dan the Man, I have been to a fair few Sydney FC games and the supporters definitely do not seem like stuck up twats you point out, actually they seem like boys from the West - which is great as Sydney does need a fan base - so ok, this poses another question - so when the West have their own team in the heart of football, who the hell is going to support Sydney FC?

Ok, so we have determined not the West as they will have their own team
Ok, so not the hobbits as they don't come over the bridge as you rightly point out,
and not the stuck up twats cos as far as I know they are busy pretending to like the worst game in the world (rugby union) and wouldn't be seen dead associating themselves with the Cove....

So as far as I can determine that leaves no-one.

So please tell me how this is going to work because my logic spells disaster.

Kind regards,

Parramatta 2009: Five Steps to Achieve the Greatest Comeback Ever

We are days away from the NRL Grand Final and I still can’t believe that Parramatta has made the Grand Final.

Correction. It’s total bullshit.

After 18 rounds Parramatta were 14th and only three points of the last-placed Roosters – and if they happen to win on Sunday, it will be the greatest comeback since 1955, when South Sydney were equal last at the halfway point after winning only three from their first nine games.

However, I think the ride on the Hayne Train will end one station short of Premiership Glory. Because the side they are facing a side that has been waiting twelve months to erase the memory of last year’s record grand final thrashing by Manly. Furthermore, there are two players that have been waiting two years to get the chance of taking the field in a Grand Final.

I’m talking about Cameron Smith and Ryan Hoffman.

Last year the Melbourne Storm missed Hoffman’s go-forward and Smith’s captaincy and creativity around dummy half. But they will have that this time around, along with arguably two of the form players going around at the moment – Billy Slater and Greg Inglis.

So, how does Parramatta defeat a side that has made four straight grand final appearances?

First of all, at every opportunity, they must find touch from their kicks. This will nullify Slater’s ability to create havoc from broken play – just ask Manly and Brisbane.

Secondly, they need to start well. Melbourne has not conceded a point in the first half of their last four games. Conversely, Parramatta’s defence will need to match their opposition’s high standards.

Thirdly, Eric Grothe must not drift infield. The Eels will be kidding themselves in they think the Storm will not try and get him to come in off his wing to create the extra man.

Fourth, and perhaps the most obvious, Jarryd Hayne must get the ball at every opportunity.

And finally, and most importantly, they don’t need to change their game plan. They have won ten out of their last eleven games, so now is not the time to fix something that has served them so well.

Like the last two months, I have been writing this side off, waiting for the old Parramatta to return. For Eels fans, and rugby league fans alike, I hope it doesn’t happen this weekend.

Dazzle’s Tip: Manly - um, sorry, Melbourne by seven.

PS, I heard with interest that David Gallop won’t be changing the current McIntyre System to the AFL format because “if you're good enough from seventh or eighth and you keep winning then you can get through to the grand final and that's what we've seen with Parramatta.” Listen David, you idiot – that argument is flawed because the eighth-placed team in the AFL has to do the same thing! We all know that the AFL format is better, so just change it!
The Dazzler