Monday, August 31, 2009

The page that is over diving

Apologies for the late post, but I was busy celebrating the birthday of a truly wonderful human being. He didn't get everything he wanted for his birthday though with the Arsenal going down to Manure it what can only be described as farcical circumstances. The NRL and AFL seasons are coming to a close and I hope you all took Trent's advice and whacked a few $$$$ on Souths to beat the Dragons at $7, if not maybe you'll learn to listen to his advice next time!

King of the Week

The inform team of the NRL, unbeaten in their last 7 games. Nobody in the top 8 would want to face this team first round of the semis, and they would surely be worth a few $$$$ to win the comp on this form!

Dick of the Week

All of the above three are what is wrong with the game of Football. Divers are the biggest blight on the game and the first thing anti-football people bring up when arguing which code is better. Sure I am a huge Arsenal fan, but Eduardo and Eboue are an embarrassment and I can never defend what they did. I don't care what you say, Rooney dived! He was falling to the ground before the keeper even makes the feather contact that hides the dive.

A picture request
The two biggest things for me that came from the Man Utd v Arsenal game were:
1 - The sending off of Arsene Wenger, what a f@#*in joke that turned into, but how funny was it to see him up on the brickwork in the crowd. F@#*in brave if you ask me, those Manics are a scary bunch!
2 - Did anyone catch it during the game when they flashed to the crowd and showed Van der Sar sitting by himself? The prick had a manbag/handbag!!!!!!! What the f@#* is up with that?

I am just hoping that someone is able to get a picture of either/both so that they can be posted on this blog, they were special moments!

Showing favouritism?
Diving has been a major problem in football for some time now, and the need to fix it has become urgent. So the news that Eduardo is to be charged has me, an Arsenal fan, applauding the decision. Finally it looks like the governing body is taking the action the game has being crying out for. Now as long as they remain consistent in their prosecution everything will be fine.

Roll around to Saturday, Manure v Arsenal, and one Wayne Rooney goes powering into the Arsenal penalty area. Always running away from goal, Almunia charges out to cover the attack, Rooney seeing this touches the ball past the keeper and begins to fall to the ground. He begins to fall BEFORE any contact was made. Rooney took a DIVE to win a penalty. The only difference between this and the Eduardo dive was that there was some contact made in the Rooney "penalty" sure, but it was AFTER Rooney decided to go to ground.

Cue the dozen replays on TV for the commentators to dissect, the slow motions replays clearly show him heading to ground early, but surprise surprise, instead of calling it a dive, they decide to applaud Rooney for being an "intelligent footballer". There is no way that Rooney and intelligent should be used in the same sentence, the guy is a f@#*in retard.

The double standards make me sick. A foreigner does it, he is a cheat. An Englishman does it, he is intelligent . They are both divers and they are both cheats. Ban them both and the diving will stop.

Swift Reply
Gullsy here again! I just wanted to say thanks to Timmy and Glen for their feedback on my recent article. The only thing that really upset me was finding out that the likes of Glen have been spitting in the food of my fellow hob knobs. Well, I guess you've got to take the good with the bad. At least he's no longer spitting in our pizzas now that he's given up his job at Eagle Boys.

It's also nice to see someone agreed with my self-proclaimed title of 'wanker' – so no arguments there...your reading skills impress me, Timmy! What impressed me more was that the same bloke gave me a vote for 'Dick of the Week'. If you don't mind, I'll take that as a compliment. And one more thing Timmy, that's not actually 'heart burn from the pie'. That's your broken heart when your girlfriend dumps you for a bloke with better seats at the footy.

Have I Done It?
You may remember my spiel a few weeks ago about Wayne Bennett and him possibly being the best coach in the NRL well look what has happened since then, the Dragons have realised that it is approaching finals time and as the days being to lengthen as what happens going into spring every year, the Dragons have began their annual capitulation (or choking or shitting themselves or add your own term here) having lost 3 matches on the trot and what a couple of weeks ago looked like a minor premiership even before the end of the season now looks like they have a battle on their hands with the Bulldogs to claim the honours. I am just wondering if it is just the Dragons yearly ritual coming into effect or if it was my piece saying that there was no way that this year they would choke has caused the stumble. If it was me I just wish i had written it a couple of weeks earlier as i am a Dogs supporter and we have closed the gap, not that their should have been one in the first place. Remember that titanic clash at Jubilee Oval earlier in the season when Team 1 played Team 2 for the competition lead and my boys were robbed by a Jamie Soward moment of stupidity and a Steve Clark video ref fuck up (not that I expected any different, isn't that his job to make mistakes?). Had the above not happened we would be sitting 4 points clear at the top of the table. With that being said a home semi will do me just fine as we have already exceeded my expectations for this season after so many personnel changes and a rookie first grade coach taking the reins. BRING ON THE FINALS

Random Thoughts
1. Calling All Sharkies Supporters…
I went to Brookie Oval on Sunday afternoon to take a look at my Sea Eagles, who were up against the wooden spoon contenders in Cronulla – and I have to tell you that I saw one team that had commitment, attitude, determination and plain old fashioned guts.

None of that came from Manly.

Although they have been outclassed every week, commentators alike have added that at least the Sharks are having a dig. Well, on Sunday I saw them first hand at Brookie, and it is certainly an understatement. They deserved to win that game against Manly – based on all of the attributes I mentioned above, given that they played the last 53 minutes of the game with 12 men via a very questionable send off of Luke Douglas in the first half.

After everything that this club has gone through this season (the Greg Bird saga, the sacking of Brett Seymour, the fall of Tony Zappia, a horror injury count, financial problems, and so on), the Sharks deserved to get something positive out of this season through their performances – and I don’t just mean avoiding the wooden spoon.

They certainly deserved two competition points on Sunday. But more importantly, they deserve the support of every Sharks supporter – not only for the 100% effort that this under-manned side puts in each week, but for their financial future.

Their NRL survival depends on it.

2. The State of Rugby Union.
Boring! Next!

3. The EPL
To that Arsenal supporter who took a pot shot at Liverpool last week, I’ll give credit where it’s due - they are doing a very good job in scoring goals, so much so that they felt the need to score in their own net against the reigning champs! Will you be doing that against Liverpool? Chelsea? What about Burnley? That would help them avoid relegation!

4. The Ashes Post-Mortem
OK. It’s been a week since the Ashes debacle, and basically the impression that I get is that nothing will change – no selector or player is resigning or will be given the chop; and everybody fully supporting skipper Ricky Ponting. Is it just me, or does it mirror the current NSW Government? Of course changes have to be made!

First of all, the selectors must be sacked. No ifs. No buts. Second, although he scored a century in the second innings, time has to be up for Mike Hussey. Twenty-odd innings without a Test hundred is just not good enough. Hence, move Michael Clarke to four and drop Shane Watson to five.

This leads to my third point – bring back Phil Hughes to open the batting. Dropping him midway through the Ashes wasn’t the way to go, especially if you compare his form to Hussey’s. Plus, select Phil Jacques as a standby opener. Remember, before his back injury, he did score a hundred in his last Test Match.

Finally, yes, Ricky Ponting is the captain and he has to take the majority of the blame for the defeat – not all of it. The other players under his captaincy must also take responsibility. He might have been the first Aussie captain to in 119 years to lose two consecutive series on English, but he is also the second Aussie captain to lead Australia to a 5-0 Ashes series win.
The Dazzler

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The page that comes with a gentle warning

There was a big influx of mail in the past few days and i've tried to get most of them in. It seems that a few of you have had an attack from the green eyed monster but I'm sure you will get over it. We thank Trent for his contribution, and he better hope that they get up or there will be people wanting to know where he lives! I will happily give his address away, but you wont find anything of value there, he punts everything he has, including the shirt off his mother's back! Now there is a thought......

Trent's Top Tips
Anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy a punt, now don't for a second think that means that I know what i'm talking about! However bad I am at picking winners for myself, I do seem to have a knack at picking winners for other people, so it is with this that I have decided to give all you punters out there a helping hand and each week I will give you my Best Bets for the weekend action!
Tip 1 - South Sydney to beat the Dragons at a very healthy $7 is too good a price to knock back, and you know what time of the year it is when the Dragons start choking, finals time! And I don't expect them to change this weekend. If you don't fancy the Mighty Rabbits off the stick, the healthy 18 point start can't be passed up.
Tip 2 - The Golden Rose, Rosehill on Saturday, put your house on "Headway". How can I be so sure? Lets just say a little birdy told me!

Disclosure - YEAHMATEGO takes no responsibility for money lost on the above information. All money won however should be split 50/50!

Is it still going to be your year Liverpool fans? hahahahahahahahaha

I can relate
I too have seen the promised land that "Gullsy" seems to live in. It is a beautiful place, one filled with all the comforts that you would expect. The beer flows freely, the women are everywhere, the food is excellent and the view is first class. Well it was for the couple of minutes or so that I got to appreciate it in between serving the pompus pricks that were actually invited to be in there. In the end I wouldn't have wanted any of the food that was served anyway, not with my spit all over it anyway!

Getting in early
I'd just like to make an early nomination for Dick of the Week, "Gullsy". In your own words, yes you are a wanker! That, or I am just as jealous as hell. Maybe next time your sitting up in your private box, lying back in the spa, naked woman all around you feeding you grapes and pouring champagne all over themselves you can find it in your heart to throw a grape down my way, i'll be the one in the 5th row getting wet from the rain and massive heartburn from the "pie", f@#*er!

Any more to offer?
Just reading the post from this Dazzler bloke and "fair shake of the sauce bottle" mate but can you find any more cliches to pad out your rant? Honestly I think "your a few kangaroos short in the top paddock" if you get my drift! Are you related to Kevin Rudd?

Something must be done
I must admit that I had to go back through a few old posts to find who wrote the little piece about Rugby Union, but Craig, you were spot on the money. Now when I first read your little rant I thought that maybe your were just going a bit over the top, but then the test match just gone backed up your argument. Union is the most boring, predictable form of football on the planet, maybe even the most boring sport full stop. Now this rant isn't due to the fact that the Aussies lost (aren't we doing alot of that lately), it is really down to the fact that the sport needs a massive overhaul of the rules or it will die. All teams do is work for field position and then try to force a penalty from the opposition, therefore pretty much securing 3 points! They have to either reduce the amount of points awarded for a penalty, or not allow them to take a shot at goal when given a penalty, make the f@#*ers run the ball!

We Want Their Ashes!
Well after the events that unfolded at the oval over the weekend we have again lost the ashes to the poms and after the way that that the Aussies had played in the series we really didn't deserve to retain them anyway. We have no excuses this time, unlike last time where we had lost players to injury in prematch training sessions. Basically the full touring squad was available the whole series with the exception of Brett Lee so injury wasn't our problem, hell even the tampon (Shane Watson) didn't get injured. I put the series loss down to poor team selections, poor team tactics and just poor cricket in general. So Cricket Australia while your in the mood of losing things can I suggest that you also lose a panel of selectors and a captain. Don't get me wrong I love watching Ricky Ponting play and hope he continues to play for many years to come but not his captaincy and I rate him as the worst Australian captain that I have even seen.
Just before I leave this dark chapter of Austrailan sport alone I will just pose a few questions for us all to ponder
* Why was Stuart Clark given so little opportunity when he is by far our most consistant bowler?
* Why was Phillip Hughes dropped after 2 bad tests yet Mike Hussey had 5
* Why wasn't a replacement top order batsman selected in the squad, so Shane Watson became that man
* Howcome Nathan Hauritz was selected on flat decks but not on a pitch that was so dry you could have thought the match was being played on the sub-continent

Do I know you?
I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I could have sworn that I had seen Clive Palmer somewhere before. Then it hit me, he was the actor that played Jabba the Hutt in the Star Wars movies! So thats where he got all of his money from!

Monday, August 24, 2009

The page that wants to punch all it's Pommy mates

Well it happened, I was hoping that any Ashes comments could be left until tomorrow due to the Aussie's showing that fighting spirit that we are so well known for, but to no avail, the Ashes are gone. Along with the number 1 ranking (behind Sri Lanka, really?). This is one little black duck that thinks we need to loose alot more than that. How about half a team and the entire selectors panel? Anyway, don't be shy to let your opinions be heard, send them on in!

King of the Week

Steve Hooker
Injured so badly that he could only attempt 2 jumps.....and still won gold!
Whats that? What about the English Cricket Team?
Go and get f@#*ed!

Dick of the Week

Clive Palmer - Owner of Gold Coast United
Clive wants to RESTRICT crowd numbers to all United's home games to 5,000 spectators all to save on a State Government levy of $3.15 per ticket, which covers the cost of train and bus rides to matches.
This guy is the 4th richest man in Australia, worth over $6 Billion, and he is counting pennies? You Sir, are a Dick!
Footnote - Actual picture of Clive Palmer

Get in line mate
Merv Hughes - "People expect Australia to win inside 3-4 days, but that's not happening. Added to that Australia are losing test matches, but guess what people, welcome to the real world"

Your next job will require you to line up at your local Centrelink office you fat f@#*, welcome to the real world!

Spare a thought for me
OK OK they did it. England won the ashes. Woo freakin hoo. Luckily for the Australian team they’re on a plane out of here! Who gets stuck with the gloating poms? Me. And 7 billion other Australians living in London. I actually had some guys point and laugh, when through their drunken stupor they figured out I was Australian. And as if that wasn’t the worst thing, what the hell was Warney thinking with his commentary? Quoting Dumb and Dumber in your commentary doesn’t make us look any better. I could handle losing, but I’m not sure the shame of Shane Warne can be laughed away. I’m going to hibernate until this blows over.

Glory-fied Spectating
The guy who started this website asked me to do a report on yesterday’s Glory-Jets game. I was there. But it wasn’t the game that really got to me.

You see, the same friend got me thinking…have I become a sports snob? You know the types – the ones who sit in the comfy confines of those corporate boxes. The ones who peer down from aloft while the rest of you plebs huddle together on wet seats with just a thin sheet of plastic separating them from the sleet and rain. Yeah, I’m one of those wankers!

You see I’ve been spoilt. I work in an industry that gets invited to sporting events. It’s an industry where you impress people by exposing them to live sports, all while plying them with free booze and food. We’re a shallow bunch, but it’s business. Schmoozing we like to call it.

I’ve been schmoozing for over a decade now. I’d like to believe that I’ve never paid for a ticket to a sporting event – NBL, Tri-Nations, NRL, AFL, A-League, even the horse races. And if I have to pay, I’ve whinged and moaned the whole way through the demoralising Ticketek process…”What? You want my f#*%in’ Visa card?”

Anyway, back to the game in question. On Sunday, I watched Perth Glory take on the Newcastle Jets in the comfort of a Corporate Suite. For the 99% of you that don’t know, a Corporate Suite is the next level up from a Corporate Box. The bonus of a corporate suite, among other things, is that it also has a TV so I could watch the Dockers game during half time. Yeah, I had free tickets to that too.

With free beer in hand, the rain began to fall. As it did, I sat back and watched 8500 people desperately don their waterproof attire. Like turtles retreating into their shells – the plebs now sat hunched under their feeble cover as they peered through the cascading water that fell from their brow. It was cold too, the poor souls. I felt for them. A shiver went through me, but I think that was the draft coming in through the open door…I got them to close it).

It was at that moment that I stopped. What the hell was I thinking? I had to snap out of this delirious state of pity. Surely not all sports fans were created equal. I had to remind myself that these fans probably don’t know any better anyway. Their idea of comfort at the footy is sitting on a cushion.

Now, please don’t judge me. As a sports snob, I do understand the need for pleb-level seating. Because if it weren’t for those 8500 die-hard Glory fans, where would the atmosphere have been today? Where would the mighty roar have come from when Pelligrino blasted home the goal in the 73rd minute? Where would the spine-tingling rendition of our National Anthem be without the backing vocals of 40,000 Wallabies fans at Subiaco Oval? Who would sledge Strauss when he drops a catch on the MCG boundary? Who would scream out those two-syllable footy chants – Cow-boys, Man-lee, Bron-cos? And who would wave around those homemade banners and slap together those ridiculous boom sticks? It’s the plebs, God bless them.

Now, as I get down off my high horse, I want to thank you. This forum has allowed me to look inside myself. Yes, I do realise I have it good. But deep down inside we are still all the same. ‘How’ you ask? Well, Glory got up two-nil today over the Jets, right? And my mate…well he’s a Jets fan. You see, that’s more satisfying than free beer in a corporate suite any day!

More Please…
It was the best game I have seen for a long time.

And for once, it lived up to the hype.

I went to the Sydney Football Stadium last Friday to that game – and both sides must be congratulated for providing such an epic battle. Both forward packs were first rate. No quarter was given, and none was asked. The determination of the Tigers, especially in the second half – given that the Tigers winger Tuiaki left the field in the first half – and that their other winger Beau Ryan played out the game with a serious knee injury.

In addition, the tries were first class - especially Benji Marshall’s effort to set up their first try was breathless. Chris Lawrence’s flick pass to set up a try for John Morris was impressive as well.

And then, there was Jarryd Hayne.

Now I didn’t see his display against the Warriors last week but from all reports it was a 10/10 performance.

If that was the case, his effort on Friday night was 20/10. It was simply that good.

The atmosphere was already electric enough, but every time he touched the ball the noise intensified tenfold – so loud that I feared for my hearing! Seriously though, he is the complete footballer – if he isn’t scoring tries, he is setting them up, or effortlessly carving up the defence in broken play, or making try savers in the last line of defence or even showing off his great kicking game. Remember he made two 40/20 kicks in the match and he made them with very little effort…

And then, when the game was on the line, like the greats such as Lockyer, Joey Johns and Co, he delivered with a wonderful piece of individual brilliance that will be talked about for a long time. To give you an idea of the effect that he is having on the game right now, whey that try was scored it wasn’t just the Eels fans standing and applauding – but it was everyone. Even the Tigers supporters with the game, and possibly their season gone, stood and applauded.

In a season where the off-field antics of a number of boofheads have given the NRL a black eye, Jarryd Hayne has been the savour of season 2009.

Give him the Dally M Medal now.

Overall, if that game on Friday night is the entrĂ©e for what’s to come in the next few weeks, than bring on the main course!
The Dazzler

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Don't forget to vote!

Welcome to the pre weekend edition, it seems a few of you have been in deep thought, which could be a very dangerous thing. It's a big weekend in sport and not that they sponsor this site but I do recommend that if you want to have a bet, use PaddyPower, they seem to be very good to their customers! Don't forget to vote in the 2 polls running at the moment, while the who will be Champions poll is a split decision, it seems most of you agree on who should go down, and to the guys who didn't vote for Britney, for shame!!!!!

How can't you be excited?
Now Ace from the last post, don't get me wrong I am finding the conclusion to this years NRL as exciting as the next bogan wearing ugg boots. I mean my team the mighty Tigers have come from nowhere and now sit inside the top 8! And yes sure your claim that the NRL provides different winners every year is a valid one, but we all know the sole reason behind this fact don't we! The salary cap. This is the only reason that different teams win the title. It is the exact same in the AFL, when only on special occasions can a team stay at the top level for a few years in a row.

Now sure the salary cap has been a great thing for Rugby League in this country, it provides a level playing field while helping the clubs maintain a certain financial stability, but really at the end of the day it is a f@#*in joke! When you look at it, all the salary cap does is ensure that over the course of a certain amount of years every club within the competition will win the title! So really, it is basically a cheat within the game to ensure that all the clubs get their shot.

What a f@#*in joke, this is like the girly way to play sport, really it is like my mother is running the game and she came out onto the back verandah and yelled "boys if you don't let little Johnny there have a turn at winning I will smack all of your bottoms". What happened to the old adage of "only the strong survive"? Give me the rough and tumble world of Football anyday, where muscle wins every time. Sure maybe only a few clubs have a real shot at being Champions, but its a 9 month slog fest to see who that is. And there is always the greatest cup competition in the world, the FA Cup if you want a fairytale, and I may be wrong Ace, but I reckon more than 4 clubs have won that in the last 20 years!

In defence of the A-League
Just like to put forward my response to the letter yesterday from "Ace". While I have to agree with him on some of the points he put forward I have to disagree with his little jab at the A-league. Lets be honest here for a second, the A-League is not and never will be a world class league, the problem with people's perception of the league comes back to unfair comparisons to Europe. So sure the players are not going to be putting silky 50 pass movements together, cracking top corner winners, and making fingertip saves week in week out but that is to be expected. We, as a viewing public, have been spoiled when it comes to top class FOOTBALL with regular access to the Premier League etc.

People have to understand that the A-League is only in it's 5th year of existence, the national Rugby League competition in this country has been around as we all know for 100 years, that's one hell of a head start. I will have a bet with anyone that in 100 years more people will follow the A-League than the NRL. The reason for this is simple, as we continue to grow as a country and diversify through different cultures, FOOTBALL will continue to grow, because it IS the world game.

If you can't be entertained by that 3 all draw between Melbourne and Brisbane last weekend, no matter what sport you follow, you need to be taken out the back and shot!

Bashing on the A-League is like hitting the kid at school in the wheelchair, just back off and give the kid a chance!

It's called FOOTBALL, cos they actually use their feet, get use to it!

Well, so much for my analysis….
A few weeks ago I gave my very ‘detailed’ analysis of the teams I thought would have a big say in the NRL Finals Series. Two teams which didn’t rate a mention were Parramatta and Wests Tigers - and at the moment, possibly with the exception of St George Illawarra, they have been the form teams of the last month. So that’s why I can’t wait for what could be the match of the year on Friday night. Whoever wins on Friday night will go a long way in securing a Top 8 spot, as both teams still have couple of tough games in order to make the semis. Parramatta will have Penrith and the Dragons, while the Tigers travel to the Gold Coast and finish with the Bulldogs in the final round – so in essence, this is a season-defining game for both clubs. Hopefully the likes of Hayne, Marshall, Farah, Mortimer, Hindmarsh and Co can make this game an absolute cracker.

Oh, and one more thing. I don’t know about you, but I much rather sit through a whole game watching my team have a real dig but get thrashed 50 or 60-0, than getting beaten 36-22 by Souths and yet not really putting in. In my blog last week I think the words I used to describe Manly’s performance as ‘inept’, ‘pathetic’ and ‘spineless’ – and I will not walk away from that. That’s why I left before the end of the game. Tell me, would you sacrifice your hard-earned money to watch your team put in an effort equivalent to Darius Boyd’s conduct in a media interview? If so, all power to you.

An interesting suggestion
I for one am a bit over the restrictions placed on coaches during interviews, especially after game interviews. The way they have to tippytoe around certain things is becoming a joke. Mate, if the ref f@#*ed up, I want to hear what the Manager/Coach has to say about it. If an opposition player makes a bad tackle, or dives like he is at the olympics, I want to hear the man in charge of my club go off his nut and let the world know what he thinks of him!

Honestly we the public are the only one's missing out with these restrictions! I mean who wouldn't want to hear any of the following?

Alex Ferguson
"Oh aye, is a f@#*wit all 'ight, tha Graham Poll f@#*ed it up 'ike usual, twas a clear penalty for us, sorry, what twas that? Youse tink me nose is as red as roudolf? f@#* youse"

Des Hassler
"Mate I couldn't give a f@#* if everyone hates us, all I care about is getting on the piss with my boys tonight, oh and f@#* you, I like my hair long"

Frank Farina
"How did we go tonight? I'll tell you how we went, f@#*in awesome, and it's all cos I'm the manager. You know I'm the best"

Phil Brown (Manager of Hull)
"F@#*in robbed! i don't care if the score was 6-0, we were f@#*in robbed! What? You wanna know where I get my spray tan? Are you some kinda poof? F@#* off, of course the headset I'm wearing is real, f@#*er"

I just feel that if the managers and players for that matter are allowed to express themselves fully after a match it will make for some excellent viewing, and imagine the soundbites you would get!

Monday, August 17, 2009

Come this way to see a pic of YangKing

First up I would just like to apologise to you all for being late with this post, but I am sure you will get over it, and I promise that I will get all your rants posted over the course of the week. Chill out and take a breather, especially you Harmo, you nutter! Well I hope you all got your football fix over the weekend, whatever code you follow. Sport often throws up a few surprises and while there were a few in the football over the weekend it is at the golf that the biggest shock was found.

King of the Week

South Korea's Y.E. Yang become the first Asian golfer to capture a men's Major title.
Defeating Woods by three strokes and snapping the world No.1's perfect 14-0 record when leading a Major tournament after 54 holes.
Woods also had the record of 8-0 when leading after the 2nd round in Major's.
Need any more reason to be given the crown?

Dick of the Week
Talk about a massive f@#* up!
An Irish bookmaker was left red-faced - and almost $A2.5 million out of pocket - after paying out early to gamblers backing Tiger Woods to win the US PGA championship.

Paddy Power was so sure that Woods would triumph that it paid out £1.25 million ($A2.48 million) before he teed off for his third round, when he was four shots ahead.

“It takes a special kind of dimwit to turn what should have been our best ever golf result into our worst,'' said a spokesman.

“Paddy Power punters are obviously the big winners here and have made like bandits getting paid out on Tiger as a winner.''
Agence France-Presse

Defending rugby league
I see a lot of people are excited by the upcoming soccer season( Thats right I called it soccer) I have 1 question, why?

When was the last time someone outside the big 4 won the Premier League? Blackburn in about 95 I think.The last 5 NRL grand finals have produced 5 different winners, this is more than in the entire history of Premier League. Serie A has had the same winner the last 4 seasons. La Liga has had 3 winners this century. Sure Rugby League has its scandals but there hasn't been a back to back winner since brisbane about 10 years ago. Several Grand Final winners didn't even make the semi's next year.

As for the scandals, Stevie G would be in the slammer if he wasn't Stevie G. There are no scandals in A-League because if those players rape/assault/deficate it makes as much paper space as if I done it. Why? Because just like me, nobody knows who they are and nobody cares what they do.

Don't get me wrong I do enjoy the game, I've watched finals at wembley, and other games at the lane and craven cottage and the atmosphere is the only aspect of the game that league lacks so please spare me your scandal free world game bullshit.You have your favourite and I'll have mine.

Can they really win it?
After Saturday night/Sunday morning I have to admit that I am more than a little confused towards my beloved Arsenal's title hopes. If I was to believe all the supposed experts pre season's tips then I was to hope for nothing more than 5th at best. Added to this negative press was the constant sadness seen amoungst some Arsenal fans that we hadn't signed every player that we were linked with. The world was ending and Arsenal were the first to go.

Then we come out and give, admittedly a very poor Everton side, one hell of a footballing lesson. On top of the goals I have to admit that I didn't actually think that we played that well, so does this mean there is more in the tank? Does this now mean I can now expect the experts that were writing us off pre season will install us as title favourites? Knowing how fickle the british press can be, more than likely.

But for this little Gooner the Everton game shone the smallest ray of hope that maybe, just maybe we aren't as bad as people say we are.

Settle down people
Just a quick note to all my Arsenal supporting buddies out there that are now going around blowing their trumpets into anyone's ears that they can reach. Just settle down for one second yeah, you havn't won the title just yet!

The Premier League is a very long season and it is who is at the top of the table come May that wins the title, not August! Its is a marathon, not a sprint. I for one would rather have the very capable, sunglassed up, singlet wearing Steve Moneghetti running the race for me, not the sausage down the pants, cologen implant wearing Matt Shervington!
Mind you, f@#*in impressive performance though!

See you in May Arse fans! Go the Pool

Friday, August 14, 2009

Is this a scandal free zone? Doubt it!

As another weekend rolls around I'm sure most of us will turn our attention to the kick off of the English Premier League, how can't you get excited about that? Also don't forget the Scottish Premier League, I hear that they have let more than 2 teams enter this year! If you are venturing out at some point this weekend, please be careful on the streets, you never know when an NRL "star" is around, and they may attack you, or if they have had enough to drink they may even try to get a leg over! Just a friendly warning is all!

A harsh but fair request
As the Daily Shitgraph has made their back page a “scandal free zone”, due to the fact that they are sick of writing stories about Thugby League players:

· raping women.

· raping women and video taping it.

· raping women in a tag team format AND video taping it.

· players jerking off while their team mates rape women.

· urinating in public.

· spewing in public.

· jerking off in public.

· punching sponsors at team functions.

· punching girlfriends.

· posting pictures of their genitals on face book.

· glassing girlfriends then trying to get their friends to take the blame.

· falling over drunk in Cronulla mall .

· telling sponsors’ daughters they look like sluts.

· sexually assaulting minors.

· taking class A drugs.

· taking non class A drugs in a desperate attempt to get the same affect as class A drugs.

· defecating in hotel corridors.

· waking up in a police station with no clothes on having no idea how they got there.

· getting shot at while getting a quarter pounder meal at kings cross maccas after big night at sapphire suite

· drink driving.

· entering university dorms and groping sleeping female students.

…. etc

I propose we make this blog a “Thugby League free zone”.

Hopefully league dies a slow and painful death in this country.

Mr. Clark
Responsible Users of Cocaine FC

Not great, just smart
My biggest rant is always with the TAB, those who know me know this. You will hear more about the pricks at the TAB later in the year. My rant this week is in response to that Bulldogs supporter Nath and his article about Wayne Bennet being the greatest coach. For the 1st 6 years of his reign at the Broncos he had the whole of QLD to choose from and oodles of Internationals to play with each week. Also if you've ever been out of Bankstown you would realise QLD's not a bad place to live thus the reason he could keep so much good cattle. Great coach sure, but nothing could help the "Baby Broncs" playing with a wounded Lockie, a drugged out Hodges and then spending 2 million on a winger! Nath, Wayne just knew when to get out and the challenge was over anyway!

That's all folks, I've got sore hands from carrying the guys I was stripping tar with today so stay tuned for an all out assault on Foxtell and the NSW TAB next time!

Call yourself a fan?
Well the big Dazzler bites back hey? I was starting to wonder if this guy had a pair of balls! It was great to see that he had the kahoonas to stand up for himself, and I was starting to gain a tiny bit of respect for the Manly scum and then he lost it all in one little sentence! "I left with 10 mins to go" good god man, you call yourself a fan? Any real fan stays to the final whistle, regardless of the score!

Now sure I know that most Manly fans would leave early because they need to get home before their arse bleeds from the anal beads they all seem to walk around using, but real fans stay! So what's the story Dazzler? Are you a fair weather supporter or did you need to get out of the car park early because you knew if the other Manly supporters found out you drove a Holden or Ford and not a Bentley they would call on their butler's to smack you around the head with an umbrella and then gang rape you ? Just asking is all!

Just a little bit excited
It's Friday people! just one more sleep and then the fun begins! I am so excited I think I just let a little bit of wee out!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Is anyone really surprised?

With the news that another Thugby League player has decided that smacking his teammates around at training and the opposition on the weekend for that matter, wasn't enough to appease his animalistic appetite, it looks like we have a clear leader for the next Dick of the Week. Was anyone honestly surprised with what's gone down in Melbourne? The only thing that surprises me is that it has been over 2 weeks without anything like this happening. Too much money and time on their hands, just lock the pricks up!

Of course I was there!
Ah, yes, last Saturday - the 8th. A beautiful August day. Had nothing on. So, yes, why not head over to Brookie to watch the Mighty Eagles thump those Bunnies and charge into the top four...

Actually Cracko, I was there - and I do agree with you on one thing - they were "useless bastards". What the #&%@ happened?! The performance was nothing short of inept. Pathetic. Spineless. On a scale of 1 to 10, they were a -15! So bad in fact that I left with 10 minutes left!

Before their defeat against the Tigers, they were in prime position to steal a top four spot. They were pencilled in to beat the Tigers - and the Rabbitohs. The result? Two losses! No chance of a top four spot - and if they can't even beat the Roosters this Saturday, then I will personally nominate them for Dicks of the Week!
The Dazzler

I always told mum school was no good
Is this honestly happening again? Another Thugby League player smashing his other half around the head over who knows what. Lets get this point out there straight away, I don't care who you are, or what they did, you never hit a woman, especially a good looking one!

I'm not sure what kind of environment these dicks were brought up in but where I come from you don't lay your hands on a woman. It's a basic fact of life, and yet the men of the NRL are sent to special classes where they are taught how to treat woman and deal with the money they have. What the f@#* is up with that? Who the f@#* needs f@#*ing lessons on how to treat women? Or any human being for that matter?

There is only one way to punish them really, cut their balls off with a rusty spoon and feed them to them!

Please just stand down now
Wow, just when you think the Australian selectors couldn't get any more f@#*ed up, their chairman Andrew Hilditch has now come and set a new standard for bullshit! For weeks the sporting public cried out for Stuart Clark to be added to the test team, and they finally do it for the 4th test, and guess what, we win. Now sure Stewie didn't come in and take 20 wickets, but he isn't that kind of bowler. The guy is in the mould of "OOH AHH Glen McGrath", he ties up one end with quality and consistancy. Thats the reason why the other bowlers were able to take wickets, thats the reason we won.

But for Hilditch this is not enough, that or he is watching a different game. He has come out and claimed that Australia's bowling future lies with Mitchell Johnson, Ben Hilfenhaus and Peter Siddle. Dude, what the f@#* are you smoking? How can you see no place for Stewie? Now if that isn't enough he tops it all off with this absolute cracker of a quote
"I've got to say from a selection point of view I've been thrilled with the Ashes, I think it's gone particularly well"
You Sir, are a f@#*wit!

Some oral pleasures
'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
(Shane Wakelin).

'Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'
(Mick Malthouse - Collingwood).

'I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.'
(Peter Bell - Fremantle - on his University Law studies).

'You guys line up alphabetically by height.' and 'You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.'
(Barry Hall Sydney Captain at training).

'I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.'
Brock Maclean ( Melbourne ) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt :

'He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.'
(Kevin Sheedy on James Hird).

'It's basically the same, just darker.'
Jonathan Brown, on night Grand Finals vs. Day Games

'I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Barass, I don't know and I don't care.'
Ron Barassi talking about Gary Cowton

'I want to kick 70 or 80 goals this season, whichever comes first.'
Barry Hall ( Sydney ) when asked about the upcoming season:

'Luke Hodge - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago'
(Dermott Brereton).

' Chad had done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.'
(Mark Williams).

'We actually got the winning goal three minutes from the end but then they scored.'
(Ben Cousins, West Coast Eagles).

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
(Luke Darcy).

'That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.'
(Dermott Brereton).

'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in football - but none of them serious.'
(Adrian Anderson).

'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
(Andrew Demetriou).

'I would not say he (Chris Judd) is the best centreman in the AFL but there are none better.'
(Dermott Brereton).

'I never comment on umpires and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.'
(Terry Wallace).

Garry Lyon : ' Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?'
David Swartz: 'On what?'

'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'
(Dermott Brereton).

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.'
(Dermott Brereton).

Monday, August 10, 2009

Does this mean that they are back?

Well it happened, The Aussie cricket team remembered how to win! And wouldn't you know it, they managed to take all 20 English wickets which happens to be quite vital in winning a test match, go figure! The Football began this weekend with the entree of the A-League kicking things off, oh it's beautiful!

King of the Week

300 games at the top level in any sport is a fair effort, playing all of those games at the one club in today's era where player/club loyalty goes as far as the next pay check is even more impressive. You have got to admire the importance that the AFL put on player milestones, who wouldn't want to run through a ridiculously sized banner before a game!

Dick of the Week

They make the change that everyone has been crying out for and we win a test. The selectors now probably believe that they are geniuses! Regardless of the outcome of this series, they should all be sacked! To think that not that long ago Australia winning by an innings and then some was the norm, to be expected! Oh how times have changed!

Oh how things can change
It was only about 4 weeks ago that I honestly thought that the top 8 of the NRL was pretty much decided. Well hasn't the last few rounds blown things wide open! It now seems that there are 8 teams fighting for 4 spots. This is the type of situation that makes it almost impossible for your average tipster, right when this one needs to gets some much need points!

An open letter to the Liverpool Football Club from its loyal fans….
WIN US THE F#%&@! ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE! No ifs. No buts. Just bloody win!! I mean, how bloody hard is it to win a title?! Man United have won 11 -so it can’t be that hard! Even Blackburn Rovers have won a title! Blackburn F#%&@! Rovers!!! We’re supposed to be one of the greatest football clubs in the world, yet we can’t even win our own domestic competition!! Compared to the three ‘super’ clubs, we’re the Ringo Starr of The Beatles!! As your loyal supporters, we’re sick of being ridiculed year after year from Arsenal, Chelsea or Man United supporters! We’re sick of starting each season full of hope, only to be continuously disappointed. And yes, that’s includes coming second last year. NO-ONE REMEMBERS WHO CAME SECOND!!


In conclusion, we wish you all the very best for this season and I’m sure you won’t disappoint us – your loyal fans.
The Dazzler

Were you there?
Just wondering if the mighty "Dazzler" was at the Manly v Bunnies game on the weekend? Oh hang on, thats right, he isn't from Manly, and nor would you want to be after that half-arsed performance! Those pricks cost me the chance of a perfect round, useless bastards, my father always told me to never trust anyone from the North Shore, he would say "All they will want to do is f#@* you up the arse and tell you how good they are while doing it". But I suppose that means I can trust you then Dazzler!

Simple really
I would just like to express my dislike of the game of Rugby Union! Maybe it is due to my attendance of a public school and missing out on all of that "bum fun" or maybe because I don't like to tape my ears back and ram my head up another mans arse, but I just can't stand the game! All gay jokes aside, and lets be honest when it comes to Rugby there are plenty, the biggest thing, excuse the pun, that gets up my arse, is this bullshit 3 point field goal rubbish. Everyone is always up in arms that they don't run the ball enough in Rugby and I've got your solution. Make the field goal worth just the 1 point and it will solve everything, well except the gay sex. Make field goals worth just the point and it will make those private school pretty boys actually run the bloody thing!
That is all

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Marge, the season's are here!

The beginning of the Football seasons both domestically and overseas has got many people excited, myself being one of them. Don't get me wrong I love most sports, but there is just something extra special about the 90 minute struggle that the real Football provides. I for one have been dusting off the Arsenal and Jets jersey's and sending them off for a good steam clean for the coming season. Because as we all know once your favorite team gets on a winning streak you can't wash the good luck shirt!

Join in the fun
With the start of the premier League season upon us I would like to extend an open invitation to you all to join in the fun of fantasy football. Simply go to and follow the directions to enter your own team. Then to join our private league use the following code to enter your team. Code to join this league: 397775-93156
Simple and easy! So set yourselves and your team for glory, it's a long season and only the best manager will win! Feel free to invite any of your friends that may be interested.

Over the moon
After reading the post the other day by Nath it got me thinking about the coming Football season, and I must admit that I am just a little bit excited. Ha, who am I kidding, I am super excited, matter of fact I don't think that I have been this excited in my life since I saw my first naked girl in the flesh. Sure it was from a window and it was just my cousin getting dressed, but damm she is hot! Hey don't judge me, it's legal in Tassie isn't it?

Anyway that's beside the point, I am jumping out of my skin for the new season to kick off and I'm not even playing! You've just got to love Football!

I must admit that I was kind of hoping that this "Dazzler" was going to turn out to be a real hard bastard and go on the attack and defend his right to write whatever he likes on this blog, and yet, he disappoints! Not only does he not defend himself, he apologises? Then to top it all off he reveals that he is a Manly fan that lives in Parramatta who has never lived in the North Shore! This story just gets better and better! Why the hell did you pick Manly as a kid? Did you "want" to get pick on at school? hahahaha comedy gold!

Dazzler just toughen up and stick by your right to write whatever the hell you want, no matter how bloody long it is!

Double Standards
Correct me if I’m way off the track here, but can someone explain to me why the Australian selectors decided to dump batsman Philip Hughes after three test innings in England but yet retained Mitchell Johnson? Both players had a wonderful tour of South Africa earlier in the year, but after the first two Tests in England, (where both haven’t performed well) the selectors decided to drop one player but retain the other? My opinion is that Hughes has been very harshly done by. Remember that he has only three test innings in England and, one of his dismissals surrounded the controversial catch made by Andrew Strauss. I think the selectors should have kept or dropped the both of them given their mirror performances.

But their performances are nothing compared to the form of Michael Hussey. Why on earth hasn’t he being dropped? His form this year, including the last Australian summer, has been absolutely appalling. What about his first ball duck in the Third Ashes Test? Please! Don’t get me wrong, he has been a fantastic player, but at the moment his form is just not up to scratch.

So now we have an all-rounder opening the batting in Shane Watson (who played well for his 62 in the first innings) who seems to get injured every five minutes. Whoever decided not to take along a spare specialised batsmen to England should be shown the door. I would have taken either Phil Jacques or Brad Hodge along as they have previously shown that they are made for Test Cricket.

This Ashes series does have a sense of 2005 about it and if Australia fails to retain the Ashes, than it will be the selectors who should face the axe.
The Dazzler

The greatest coach?
Is rugby leagues greatest coach Wayne Bennett? There is no bias from me, as I have never supported any team that he has been involved with, I am a Bulldogs fan. But the last 12 months has got me wondering if the influence that 'Benny' has on the team he is coaching really as great as it seems, and the only answer I can come up with is yes.

Have a look at the Broncos, they have been in the competition 21 years and have only missed the finals 3 times with the last being in 1991 a whole 17 years ago. And yeah when they missed the finals they finished 6th or 7th (it was a top 5 back then) not a bad effort. They have won 6 premierships and numerous minor premierships and it was all while Wayne Bennett was coaching the side. Recently the Broncos have looked far from the team that they have previously been, with a similar playing roster to last season but guess what no Wayne Bennett. It is well known that during the origin period every year the Broncos have struggled and it is no surprise why with such a large number of players being selected for origin. But this year they haven't just struggled they have capitulated and it seems that there is nothing that Ivan Henjak can do to turn around this form slump. Surely Wayne would have had an answer.

Example 2 the Dragons, for a while the dragons have been called finals chokers and I think this is due to a lack of a highly experienced coach. The club was runners up in 4 grand finals in the 90's, 92-93-96-99 and when in 92 and 93 they were back to back runners up they were beaten by the Broncos, a side coached by Wayne Bennett. Since the turn of the century the side has been unable to make it to the biggest day of the year despite some of the great players the club has had.
But look at this season leading the competition by 4 points and likely to be minor premiers and with the best chance of claiming a premiership since the glory days, but also look at some of the players at the club. Wendell Sailor after spending years playing for the Waratahs and Wallabies and having served a 2 year drugs ban no one thought that he could make a successful return to the NRL. He has turned back the clock and is almost as good as he was 10-15 years ago at his peak. Neville Costigan a player who's career looked to be dying a slow death but this year new life has been evident. Justin Poore and Michael Weyman 2 players who only seemed to be average players which this year have been amongst the comps best forwards and NSW starting props for the origin. And Jamie Soward a player who at the Roosters only looked to be a great reserve grade player but this year is the leading point scorer and one of the best players in the competition. Answer for all of the above the 'Wayne Bennett Factor'.

New Zealand world champions, the whole world cup last year just looked like a competition to see if England or New Zealand would be beaten by the Aussies in the final. As expected the Kangaroos went undefeated into the final including a large win over the Kiwis and everyone thought how large would the margin be in the final. Well as we all know how the final finished up I won't go any further with it but guess who was the assistant coach of the Kiwis, yep you guess it Wayne Bennett.

While I don't really like the man I have to give him respect and have no doubt that Wayne Bennett is the greatest rugby league coach.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

He can take the crown with him

A big weekend of sport has come and gone with plenty more coming along soon. The A-League starts this weekend with the Premier League not far behind it. I for one am pretty bloody excited about the coming football season. It is awards time again and after picking up a special mention last week, the crown is passed onto a fitting winner, the Dick of the Week is also a stand out recipient.

King of the Week

Sir Bobby Robson
18 February 1933 – 31 July 2009
I wouldn't be able to do the man justice, and rather than dribble on with alot of soppy stuff, I'd rather remember him by the quality quotes he provided over the years. Here are just a few.
"We didn’t underestimate them but they were a lot better than we thought"

"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist"

"I’m not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final"

"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game they lose"

Sir Bobby to Bryan Robson: "Good morning, Bobby".
Bryan: "You’re Bobby, I’m Bryan!"

Dick of the Week

The Governing body of swimming takes out this weeks award almost untouched. 40+ world records broken at the World Champs just gone, all but one of those achieved without the now illegal suits. What a f@#*in joke!

The Manly Response...
Hi Everyone,

First of all, I apologise for the length of the article - of perhaps more correctly, the short story! I promise to keep it under 10,000 words from now on!

There are, however, a couple of clarifications I need to make...

First of all, I've never lived on the Northern Beaches - actually I'm a Westie - I'm only a 10 minute walk from Parra Stadium.

Secondly, on behalf of one-eyed Manly supporters everywhere, just keep hammering us at every opportunity! We love it!

Thirdly, I will be posting (condensed) opinions on a regular basis - and it won't be confined to Rugby League.

So stay tuned...

The Dazzler

Exciting times ahead
We are quickly approaching the time of the year which I, and i am sure many other people also believe to be the most exciting time of the sporting year. Oh yeah and the NRL finals aren't bad either. But what I am really talking about is the kick-off to the football (yeah soccer to you uneducated people) seasons both locally and in the major European leagues.
It will be an interesting season to see how all of favourite teams perform and how the off season player movements will change how results pan out. Can the big spending Man City finally break into the big four of the EPL, how will Man United be able to defend their title without Ronaldo and Tevez, will the A-league finally be given the credit it really deserves with the addition of two new teams and more players returning from overseas, has the 1 Billion Euros that Real Madrid spent really give them a chance of claiming some silverware.
All will be revealed over the next 9 or so months before the kick-off to the world's greatest spectacle the World Cup.

13th player?
I was kicking back on Saturday afternoon watching the Raiders v Broncos game and would like to lobby the NRL that the Broncos have been playing with a 13th player all season. What are you talking about I hear you say, well the next time you watch the broncos play take a careful look at the little turd standing behind the line directing traffic. It is none other than Alan Langer! This guy is employed as a runner/drinks man, yet he spends more time on the park than half the players! Seriously just watch out for him next time they play, it has to be illegal. Not that it is doing the Broncos any good, they have been bloody horrible!

Is there anybody out there?
I'm just wondering if there is anyone that managed get the perfect round in the NRL tipping this week? Because if you did you are an absolute genius! Seriously.